Speaking with Kindness

 

Q: “How can I stop saying things that are unkind?”

 

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To be kind in our speech, we must love others as ourselves with an attitude of humility (Matthew 22:39; Philippians 2:3-4).

 

These are some intentional ways we can make changes in our interactions with others:

 

(1) Work on the attitude of your heart.

 

Often, we slip into inconsiderate comments without thinking, and we must work on the root, which is our hearts’ attitude toward others.

 

It is important to spend time reading God’s Word, seeing His love for us and the need for us to love others as Christ has loved us (John 15:12). Our words reveal what is on our hearts (James 3:13-18; Matthew 12:34), and the more we meditate on right things (Philippians 4:8), the more it will be expressed in the words we say.

 

Consider Jesus' example of humble self-sacrifice, and let His mind be in you (Philippians 2:1-11).

 

By spending time with God, we will also find more love in our hearts as part of the "fruit of the Spirit" that He is producing in us (Galatians 5:22-23).

 

Look for opportunities to show kindness regularly. Our immediate responses to others are more kind when much of our attention is focused on loving them.

 

(2) Pray before interactions with others.

 

If there are certain people we tend to be unkind toward, we should make it a priority to pray before speaking with them, and ask God for wisdom and love, so that we can be a blessing in the words we say.

 

"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips." Psalm 141:3

 

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14

 

(3) Practice taking time to think before speaking.

 

We are to be “slow to speak” and control our tongues (James 1:19, 26). Take time to examine the purpose for what you are planning to say. While constructive criticism is loving, a critical attitude is harmful; stop and consider the most loving way to speak.

 

"There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health." Proverbs 12:18

 

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:6

 

“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” Ephesians 4:29

 

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It can take time to break habits of speaking with a lack of kindness, but we can “increase in love” (1 Thessalonians 3:12) as we regularly spend time with God and make it a priority to show His love to those around us.