Overcoming Emotional Attraction

Struggling with emotional attraction when you don’t want it? It’s possible to overcome!

You might be married and attracted to someone else, or you might not be married but attracted to someone who is.

It’s not always a lack of romantic connection; it can be a lack of emotional connection overall. One marriage coach said it can be rooted in rejection as a child. Another woman said that women who struggle with it tend to lack connection with their fathers. Ultimately, we need satisfaction in God, and we can know Him personally; just like human relationships.

Of course, you know to work on emotional connection with your spouse, but if you are not seeing progress or you are unmarried, focus on finding connection with God. When this is done the right way, you can start seeing change instantly!

Focus on His glory, because He is worthy of our attention, while also remembering He loves you more than anyone could ever love you, and He wants a relationship with you. Here are some ways you can apply this practically:

1. Think about what God has done

There are many testimonies online of salvation, restored marriages, healing, and times when God has prevented suicides supernaturally. It’s thrilling to see God involved.

2. Listen to music that draws your attention toward God

If you feel like there’s a void in your relationship with God and you’re not super-thrilled when you think of Him, worship can make a tremendous difference. It’s one way to direct your emotion toward Him. To overcome unwanted emotional attraction, you need something on the emotional level. Music gets to the emotional level quickly.

3. Wait silently in prayer until you sense God’s presence with you.

When He fills your heart, it's unlike anything else.

He is the “fountain of living waters” (Jeremiah 2:13) and in His presence there is “fullness of joy” (Psalm 16:11).

4. Change your mental associations

Unwanted attraction is on the subconscious level, since it’s something you’re not consciously choosing, but you can change it through repetition and replacing the feelings.

One type of mental technique is changing your associations with certain things by consciously making a positive or negative association.

Whatever you focus on grows, and you can train your mind to love what it needs to love, as the Bible says to “set your affection on things above.” It’s possible to lead your heart in the right direction. So, you can train your mind to love the name of Jesus above every other name.

Write the name of the person you’re attracted to, and then try to make it dull and gray in your mind (it won’t be immediate but keep working on it). Write the name of Jesus and think of the fact that His love for you will never change. Remember that (assuming you are saved), you’re going to be with Him in a perfect place forever - and ever - and ever. You might also want to practice the first two points to make your associations stronger, listening to music and watching testimonies.

Another tip: Instead of "I'm attracted to" say "I'm overcoming attraction to," so you can train your subconscious to know what to do with it.

Practice replacing the thoughts, even if it takes you more than an hour a day. Your mind will change!

5. Increase your connection with God throughout the day

Speak to God throughout the day, to increase your sense of reality that He is with you just like any person in the room with you; and He is a real person. What makes relationships what they are? Relationships are made up of relating through experiences and communication. It’s about doing life “with” someone. God is with you all the time, so realize that whether you are getting up in the morning, driving somewhere, or walking through your house,, He is right there (Psalm 139). Talking to Him can increase your sense of reality, so talk to Him like you’d talk to your best friend or your parents.

It takes effort, but it’s completely possible to overcome!

Need support? Reach out to me (Charity Kay) at OvercomersChristianCoaching.com!